Life is so precious!

 

I wish to hold water
I feel sad....that I just can't
Nobody can.

I feel sad when people leave
I know that's life......!
But if they were born to fill up a space...
When they leave there is a void,
There are words unsaid....
Deeds undone....
And meetings unplanned.

I just remember
So many people I recently lost
Some I tried to connect to
Some who were sick and old
And some who left too early !

I believe everyone has a purpose
We strive and struggle towards it
But then why are we born in a family,
Have friends, build relationships
And nuture them !
When we don't even know
What the next day holds for us!
Why do we have a heart that has a brain
And eyes that witness memories!

***
Lord, I always wish health and togetherness
But today I wish for more.
I wish every person in this BIG WORLD
May LIVE in the present!
Not mourn about the past
Or worry about the future.
They just live❣️

My Ripple stitch

Can love be little?

Or should I say.....

Is it necessary for love to have a life?

Can't it be just a moment 

When I had that little butterfly!

It's like a memory when I won something special....

That I would like to cherish !

Because I know it cannot be lived everyday :)

***

You know what is the easiest...

To speak my heart!

And the most difficult....

I don't know yet.

May be I haven't faced something I can call difficult yet.

I can read you !

If there will be some day

A day when I will have no more words to write!

How will we talk ?

Will you stop.....and read my eyes:) 

You know I will love you....Always!

 

My hair are getting thinner

May turn grey too,

I won't have the perfect body 

Might smile with wrinkles soon!

Will that change the way you see me?

Will these changes matter to you?

***

"Love is blind" I have read that many times

Today I realise it does hold TRUE.

love is not seeing....it is feeling!

I do remember your sunkissed face when we were 25 and you held my hand ...

But more I remember your warmth...your touch brought!

That feeling has become indispensable now.

We are aging ! Better-half!

Wasn't that what we wanted?

We wanted to grow old together ❤️ 

To make a happy home.....

have kids...a girl and a boy :) ....and

Witness each other mature :) 

***

I hope....

In the coming years we grow more kind...

We make people around experience simplicity of being happy...

May we always be givers....and 

May we always do the best we can !

Jab jeet..haar ho

 

इतनी दुविधाओ के बीच

अंतर्मन की चिंताओ के बीच 

खुद को संभालती हूं 

खुद को समेटती हूँ

फिर भी सिमटी सी मैं 

सबको अधूरी सी लगती हूँ .

हर परीक्षा में खरी उतर के भी 

असफल ही दिखती हूं

I can be.... if i try to be !

 I always felt what I have,

Is enough....It always felt fine.

Yet today.....I want more!

I want to be, what I know I can be!

Even if I always had enough to spend,

Time, money, even efforts....

Yet today.....I want more than enough!

I want to be, what I could have been!

I do not want to give up

Pick excuses or forget today,

I want to shine not survive

I want to be really ME for the rest of this life!

I might forget, go back 

to being satisfied and silly

So I write here, to remember clear

There is nothing ! That I can't be!

 

They are not my roots

But they have kept my memories safe!

They long for my care,

Remember my talks...

And miss me when I am not around.

.

I wish you everything good Nana, Nani ❣️

Because of you, I get to experience what grandparents really are🙏🏼

35 makes me feel OLD :(

 

Now everyday when I wake up

I feel I have a brand new life!

Has the number 35,

 trained my brain to make me feel old?

Or my fears to reach this age...

Have made me cherish everyday?

I do not know

What I know is.....

I thank the young girl I once was,

For everything she did :)

All the ups and downs she rode

To reach "MY PRESENT SELF"

I remember all her gloomy days 

When she gave up dreams she watered so well,

I remember her pure efforts,

That were not rewarding....but were right and made someone's days bright

:)

And here's my word

I give you today,

That our future self too

Will be giving and kind.

Hang in there!

 I want to be your best friend...

May not accompany you everyday
But I will wish the best for you
And hope that you live happy everyday!

You know, you need not be fair or strong
Or cool or smart or try to fit in somewhere...
You are wonderful as you are
And those who love you...
Will love you anyway!

I know what you went through,
Or how serious was your loss,
People say time can help you face things...
And you can...will be better when ever you try to re-start!

Every human faces things....
Some good, some very ugly too,
May be a little wait can tell you
What God really planned for you!

If there is no one to hold your hand
to comfort, hug and say it will be fine
Then my dearest friend,

gather all your puzzled pieces...yourself!
Don't wait for someone to help or encourage,

I believe in you!

Just give your best!

Does a spiral means a Yes?

 He took my hand...

Why didn't he ask!
We crossed the road...
he then turned
Looked at me
And said "it feels nice"!

I was not so shy
But in that moment, I froze!
I remember only two things...
the sound of my heart, and
The touch of his cold fingers...

He then opened my palm...
Before I could ask
He drew a spiral,
And started to walk towards my home.
....I would have drawn a heart if I were him....what does a spiral mean? I never asked ;)
Wait,
He was walking me home!
He was happy!that's fine...
He was even singing!

And ! He still held my hand!

I had to stop him
I told him I am an adult

And I could see.. people noticing...

To which he smiled...
Said - " I know, but I want you to feel nice
For some more time!
Let me walk you home...
Like I will...for the rest of our lives!"

I couldn't say no....

I did feel nice :)

With my warm finger

I drew a spiral too.

Since then, those 5 mins 

Turned into our golden walk.

**
After a decade,

 being in the same home,
I have to remind him-
I am an adult...
Because he still drops me....
Arranges my travels,
Messages me ten thousand times...and,
Acts as my manager !

Song time

This has been my favourite since I was little. 

 

#4 How we met!

The phone beeped 

It was his text

He wrote - " I like you"

And he added - that's all I always meant!

What should I have felt?

Happy? Excited?

I just felt numb. 

I did admit then, 

he was the perfect person

Someone with whom I was me...

He was nice...really nice 

Taking care of every single thing.

I must have been in a shell

Thus, I never thought beyond....

Maybe I gave up hope and was fine with anything that would come my way...

yet this person entered without asking!

 He was right there....coming my way

Making me afraid of coming too close !

I really felt something

Maybe...

An emotion...I didn't understand

Will it hurt? Will it make me sad? Will things turn right? I had no idea.....

I don't know what made me trust him and I wanted to take a step forward !

Without hesitation...

I called....said let's meet

And the next day...

We Met !

Live in the moment

 I chased some memories today

checked on some people from the past too
I can't really think of a good reason why I did so..
Have I become too modest!
Or it doesn't cost to be nice!

I think because even if I am very patient
I can't really wait!
Wait to rectify....wait to speak my heart
And wait to regret in the future.

About me

 I don't remember since when did I start being like this....

When tired..... bored....or dead sick....
I still behave as a fighter
I don't give up.

Even when everything around is a mess...
I turn emotionless and just start over :)
I actually do that
Somedays I really wish to be angry...and mourn and behave like a kid....but that's too tiring to even think...forget about behaving like that...


I don't remember a single thing that I gave up recently....
Yes there were things I chose to not persue....things where I made a mature choice of letting go.....or may be situations where I acted too practical unlike the younger me......!

But today if someone will ask me
Do I regret anything.....when I look back!
The answer will be NOTHING
I am thankful to the simple me
For being optimist....
And for trusting God's plans.

God story of you is surely way too beautiful than your plans.

Addons to Make everyday a different day

 I wish we all live for today

As if there won't be a tomorrow.
May be that way we will cherish,
the beauty of evrything around!

So today...
I was with self!
I .........
Cooked new dishes,
Parted my hair in a different way:)
Crocheted my own designs,
Wore new trackpants and cycled longer,
Solved the crossword which everyday I forget to sit and do.
Slept like a baby..
Sipped my tea with ease...
Bought self a packet of candies
And the most important of all these....
I didn't let anything bother me
Or hold me back.

Family makes you strong...family makes you weak

I just lost an elderly

And I realise among the things
That we cannot control....
Life....surpasses love.

Memories become most important ..
love backs up the Life lost
Remembrance now...
Is like sour tears....yet sweet
How do one overcomes
This feeling of emptiness ?
Does time really heals
Or teaches one how to get used to it!
After all Life won't sympathize
Nor will time be patient.

To my busy friend!

Yes I had been busy with my life

Family and so many things,

Yet I have you my friend...

Whom I remember and wish well.

Hope you are healthy

And making the most of every minute

I hope you are humming your songs

Cooking and enjoying your momo's....

Hope everything's fine with you!

I can just hope...........untill we talk.

Untill the day....

You tell me what went wrong!

****

Hope...we will meet soon! 

Smooth deparure

 If each day A wish could be true

Today I wish...
The elderly live smooth.
I wish they stay positive...
Laugh each day.
that  will make more memories...
To remember when they wont stay...

Life is amazing
It just cannot be controlled,
Persuaded or bluffed
But it can be lived up
With tears of joy,
Sharing warmth in our hearts.

Why do I not have clear thoughts
Feel such a confused state
departing brings emptiness for sure
I don't know what's more to it
It is so difficult to think beyond..

#3 How we met

 After February, we did meet

But I remember when we met in August.
We did not share contacts...
Sister had....and that was fine.
....
Since we belonged to the same city
Sister booked tickets with him,
And we travelled home together.

I still remember...
it rained as we boarded our train
He sat on the opposite window
And this person.........
He put his head out of the emergency window, to enjoy the rain!
Can you believe it!
even though the train was stationed...
He made me worry!
I got worried for someone new! I admit.
I felt like asking him to not peep....
Just then he turned his head in
With soaked up hair and face all wet
He smiled
Did he know I was concerned?
How could he!
Why was I thinking so much!

Before retiring to bed,
I went to charge my cell phone.
The socket was near the washrooms.
As I inserted the plug and turned...
There he was...
To accompany me.
We didn't talk much
Was it the time to get familiar and be friends?

Back to our berths
we played word games,
Got to know our hobbies,
Talked about work....home...
And exchanged numbers too

#2 How we met

 What I remember back then

The ancient artifacts....colourful canvases......the pin drop silence.....

And the smell of paint....

Although painting for me is just a hobby

It is my way of rejuvenation too

Hence I felt fresh and happy here:)

.

After an afternoon well spent at the art gallery...

we three, sat on the table to eat

But he kept staring the dusky sky,

I did ignor him but then I enquired

He pointed up

Showed - the sun and the moon sharing the same sky.

I have seen such a sky before

Ofcourse I know the science behind

Yet........

this person I just met....

Seems to be different

He admired things,

the everyday stuff !

Which I once did too. 

I had always been an optimist....

I cherished music all around...

But I was indifferent now

I was overworked, avoided friends,

I kept low and had set boundaries too.

..

Here....

I got stuck in this dusky moment I felt...

Because

for the very first time....

I was all ears to someone NEW!

I wished to hear....to listen more.....

..

To justify my present nature 

I satisfied my taste buds

stuffed my mouth

headed back to my rented place

#1 How we met

I remember what I wore that day

black top,
A long skirt
mobile pouch hung around my neck
Red drop earrings...
....and my everyday black sandals.
That was not even close to beautiful!
I dressed so casual
while loose hair befriended the wind....
I wonder what caught his eyes....
Or what made him think....I was the one!
...
He says it was love at first sight
You think I should buy that?
Today after a decade, he says the same:)
I guess, he didn't really lie....

....

Flashback

I have turned so many pages....
Yet I am on the same ....for you...
I wish this was not so difficult...
Because I close my eyes to see you

Memories have survived the test of time...
And travelled with me to places...
A part of me I still miss...
That I had....shared with you:)

*****
Often remembering past events
Bring clarity to our present self!
**
Memories can fill us with joy
& bring peace to our troubled minds..

What is meant to be

 A new version of me is yet to be.

I tried to resist

I tried to hide

But love found me 

And made me smile :)

I made mistakes...

Which changed my way

Yet peace came to me

As I forgive myself :)

I like this change

Take steps to be better

Charge myself each day

To not regreat anything later.

I am AS I was

 Remember me?

Yes remember you!

***

Travelled so far

With memories of you..

You will feel a new me...

But with memories of you!

....

I cherish the younger self,

Love that carefree girl I once was...

Seems part of her still lives in me...

Looks like I have watered that seed Everyday!

...

I ain't different 

I ain't new.....

You bloom....they said...

So ......I simply grew......!

****

Neev

Jab chhote the to,

Bade bade sapne dekha karte the....

Aaj bade hue to chote chote 

Pal jeete hai :)

Papa ko dekhke lagta tha.....why does he live so simple!

But ab jaise I have understood my basics too....

Finally I work on beautifying my journey....

Not my body......or clothes......or my home

I have had friends telling me things

Colleagues commenting

Or even people who don't matter ....passing remarks....

But today it's just ME

And

I am sure my papa is very proud of me :) for who I have become......and will ever be!