To the man in YOU

 You talk your self out...

You were not very nice....

And then you say.....you were so occupied!

Let me be you someday....

Let me be honestly blunt !

I am a Woman April1,2021

something I have started writing under the theme.... 

What does it really take to be a WOMAN !!! it takes a lifetime.... 

 April 1, 2021

 I am a WOMAN.....for good you see!

 honestly....as seen from my eyes... 

in the house or outside.... 

a women is the face of any family ,

at least when people judge! 

other days it is the man who reaps... 

for the good....the woman sows.

And ! She smiles.....from behind some door...ofcourse for good ......! 

when she is so loved as a daughter, 

why does she look different when she steps outside! 

where she is expected to have some super power, 

yet made to believe -thats human!

 ...ofcourse for good...you see....! 

 it is not one who suffered... 

or a ME who felt bad.. 

it is not about you or many... 

but about the WOMAN in us!

A day without you

my smile my happiness my hope my love.... he is everything I have today! a day without him is like a day wasted *** you are not a piece of my heart....but my reality you are the morning sun.... the night star that twinkles me goodnight... as I think of going to bed...without you in my arms.... is like emptiness....its like nothing. I am so used to you my Baby you are someone I have spent the least time in my like....but you are the most important part of me and will always be! mumma loves you for being hers :)

Minds game...welcome 21

last few days seemed full of love i wished this new beginning was the same but life just turned up reality on my face i found myself surrounded by things i dont like! things like....the.... stuff i dont talk noises i dont hear negativity i dont see and silence that scares me! may be i forgot what i was where i belong how could i wish why did i believe and most of all no change is welcome here. now the mind seems so empty so does the heart theres nothing to fill in though but thats is how it is expected to be. .

My Day

I will have my peace they say, he says, she says, let them say...... I just smile at the mirror, I really dont have ears to lend eyes to see or a mouth to participate... I just have me...with all my peace! . . I hold nothing, I pass on nothing, my aura is positivity and hope, I sing when ever I can, prayer is part of my play too, I live only today, because tomorrow I can not see. .... like this moment I have time, I have space I have peace and words to share :)

Your time isnt mine

Sometimes all I need is a good talk and yet I keep busy I run from creating a social self I talk to me, I give myself all the time to understand, my problems are mine, and so can be the solutions! I aint egoist to not take help but I cant handle the wait, that state, I am the kinds to talk more and more but when it is just listening ears, I am expected to have I step back to being my own self.

Thought

Some things never end....like love
Some things never reach their end....like love

I feel like 20

 Looks like yesterday when I graduated

That teenAGE, energy and attitude!

Its been ten years ......BUT

I feel like I am no more than 20;)

I still have things to start ,

I have so much to prove....

I still have dreams that are sooooo BIG

I still fear mom and dad,

And I still like those love dates!

They give me a happy feeling

I wish I knew this before
Life is not some rocket science!
What is in the heart
Should be on the face,
What is in the eyes
Should be on the lips......

I wish I don't hurt people
Specially those who simply love me
I wish I always be with them
On a call, message or in real!

Like old buddies who never turn old
They are that happy feeling,
Their presence will not change today
But a little talk can revive memories.

***
Thats the part I play in their life too,
I can be the positive little bud and bloom,
Share the rainbows, sun and wind
Laugh, sing and walk along
Thats what FRIENDS are meant to be !
:)

Love.....in your eyes :)

He saw me once
Then twice then thrice....
Always I was dressed up nice!

Our meetings grew
So did our love!
We ate,
we laughed,
We argued,
We fought,
We live together now!

I still think what to wear everyday,
To look nice for him, for no reason though !
He has seen ......
my messed up hair,
My mouth stuffed with a sandwich too,
Looking wierd with his tshirt on,
Posing with a broom and duster so many times....
Still I like to look nice ....to his eyes:)

You love me for who I am
You always did!
Still I wish this feeling of butterflies
Fill our hearts.....everytime our eyes meet!
Everytime we fall in love,
And
Everyday I feel special like the first day

When you watched the sun and moon together in our sky

***
This one is for you- Shreyans !

Be human!

I wish there was some true love...
A love each human could feel and see...
But some are blind ....
And deaf.....and dumb...
Simple humans they cannot be!

When I look beautiful

It is just a little make up
And suddenly they like me more...
They -all of them I mean.
Why do I have to look good....for someone
For anyone for that matter!
Why can't I look what I have been made to look like..
***
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!
But my beauty lies wihin me
I have always loved the emotions
And not the outer happiness..
But still I dress up
Still I pose
To be a part of the beholders.......

The baby lizard

It is true! Death has a scary face.
I witnessed one today....
I never thought I could...
just stand and see ones painful face.
But I just did....and I feel weak.
I fear what growing old holds in future...
I can forget for a while...
but I can never overcome...
the loss of anyones life !

I was speechless...I was mum...
in a flash, I saw my entire world shrink into the silence....that a departing soul leaves behind.
my relationships.....my karma....MY?
there's nothing that's mine! not even this body I have.
everything I have is outside.....this mind....this soul...what do I live for...What do I need really! I just don't know if there is a need to even stop and think.

What I know is....
it is hard....very very hard to witness a death...
to try to pretend strong...
I can digest thats what is born had to die...
but how does one forget what that life leaves behind...

A Little Something

Is it monotony ?
You know! I live each day.
Then some nostalgia?
No, no, I enjoy the experienced me.
You are a new mother, it must be all the days work for sure?
Ofcourse not, It is just me!

A little something is inside,
not very simple to describe
yet a feeling that holds me back.....
from doing all that I ever did.
It is not more love that I am looking for,
Deviating from everyday won't make it better,
Shortly, everything that surrounds me has become unimportant!

I always felt - respect is the only response to those who circle us.
But I failed to remember that we are HUMAN,
with work prejudice, birth assumptions, societal barriers !
who will hurt others intentionally,
it is these notions that surpass respect and love sometimes!

Overcoming

I know a change is for good
I want this good to last
Still I wish I was the old me,
I wish I never took some steps.
Some steps that make me happy
That make me who I am today & what I have!
It took me long to overcome my fears!!
Yet the heart wants to make me feel guilty
The brain wants to show me the road I could have been on.....
I am not convincing.....me.....
Rather I want to wash it off,
All that this brain can think,
All that this heart wants to resist
All that is not just good to give a thought too.

I love everything that surrounds me
I am true to my little soul,
I have my reasons to walk this path,
With its beautiful past roots too.

*****
Past is a place to learn from, present is a place to be! - a quote I read in my last book

The 5 AC

This is surely my first article I am writing about something important I read in a book I recently read - 
The 5 AM club - by Robin Sharma.


It is the habit of rising early. Something that honestly I don't follow as of now!
though I have heard this since my childhood days that rising early multiplies ones energy, helps one to plan the day and most importantly it is a good habit to have a routine. It is the hour of least distraction, highest human glory and greatest peace.
I was convinced with this even as a child but somewhere I was casual with my approach or not firm on following a routine.

Personally, I found the 20/20/20 model in the book very helpful. It states that when you get up at 5:00, you plan your next one hour in three slots i.e. first 20 minutes of relentless exercise, next 20 minutes of self meditation, and last 20 minutes in self motivation via audio books/reading or should be spent in planning. When I read it I found it something very simple, but as I started working on it, it made me feel the magic of the 20/20/20 rule. We all do exercise, meditation or planning but it is not a conscious routine with which our - Mindset, Healthset, Soulset or Heartset is tuned to. These are the four areas which affect us when we plan. We basically revolve around these. It is so important to feed them everyday to make sure our motivational and satisfaction giving harmones are generated well, which inturn make us happy and keep us charged.

Robin Sharma highlighted the use of technology, rather one should say the dependence on the excessive use of gadgets, like checking the messages, updates etc. It is like keeping oneself busy with things that are not helping us improve our productivity. The geniuses spent their hours in practice! and yet one can argue that a little shopping on some application makes me happy, boosts my mood, it is NOT so. It might satisfy you by keeping you busy but it is not adding to your four core areas that are health, mind, soul and heart. Famous personalities spend their time in polishing their talents which were ofcourse not inherent or god gifted. Even if someone was, still he had to work on it to make it suitable for the environment which is so dynamic. Furthermore, the book states a time when you rise and when you sleep to be technology free to boost your Melotonin - thats the harmone triggered to tell you - You are sleepy now!

One thing that I will carry with me is the HGH - Human Growth Harmone! we must have seen - it is not the mind that ages, it is the body ! To fool the body or keep it in shape, we workout everyday! So basically when we physically push our body 25% of the HGH is produced! and the rest is produced when we sleep ! Yes ! When we sleep and our brain is filling with the ten thousand thoughts and is at rest, it releases 75% of the HGH that we really need. The book states sleeping less or more - both harm the aging harmone and we in a way invite death because of this habit of ours. To make sure we have the right hours of sleep, atleast 7 and a half hours of sleep should be given to the body, not more not less.

Last but not the least - the book states wonderful sayings of well known personalities from different fields. Their saying out of their experience that is something money can't buy.

### My purpose of writing here is I believe making notes for self more than anything else.

The sleep fight

Its late
Quite late
For a new mommy to be awake!
Specially if she's tired
If she has a restless day...
When her physical self has given up
But the mind looks like ....is still awake!
The heart still wants to feel more....good


***
It is so difficult to convince my mind
To make it go to sleep.......to make it believe ...today is over.....we have tomorrow to work again....
I don't belive in tomorrows now! Because they never come. What comes and stays is Today!

A LIFE I chose TODAY !

life is still a race

like it was a decade ago!

Honestly, 

every day was not happy or great for this timid one

but I have lived each day,

with dreams

some fears

a little hope

lot of efforts!

I am BETTER

I am climbing

I am achieving

I am happy...I can say that without a second thought

.....but it is still a race

to be happier...to be better......

to be beautiful....to be richer.....

But that was never my goal

because somewhere deep inside me

I have always been satisfied

with what ever came my way !

I never longed for more than what is enough.

So now on

I will not run to be better

I will stand by and watch the race...

I will enjoy my tea and my bun,

from a distant shade :)

I chose to be carefree from today :)

***I already feel happy writing this 

sometimes we write to feel good,

and sometime writing helps us decide

what the mind is upto....!

This Run

Lost in my small world

sinking in the house chores

with half shut eyes

I head towards the kitchen
and try to be the woman with superpowers!

Sometimes when my day ends
and I give it a thought of how days pass by...
I find myself pacing up....
not in an air conditioned office,
but yeah in the shoes I am in.

Honestly, we all are the same
you have your reasons to speed up,
and I have mine!

What satisfies me more is that
there's nothing much we can do
about all the things that we create...
about all the efforts that we took...
in a relationship
in a task, a project, a meeting
but yes they do matter for now,
they do create something better for my bodily world.

Lost love

Morning was dead silent
I managed to look above my blanket
Hoping to see you sleeping near...
When you are no more....here!
You are no where
And you will never be
We all are left behind
With memories in our hearts so clear
When you are no more here!
We love you
We miss you
We have memories.....
From the very first day when we saw u...
And you shivered even on our lap
You were incredible
I wish I could hug you and tell you
But...you are no more here